34 - Trust Your Gut, Not Just the Books: Tapping Into Parental Intuition Around Sleep

If you’ve ever felt like the sleep advice out there just doesn’t fit your family, this episode is for you. Join Doula Deb as she dives into why trusting your gut is the key to getting rest without compromising your parenting style.

In this episode, Deb shares:

• Why your intuition isn’t broken—it’s just buried under all the noise of mainstream sleep advice
• What intuition really looks like in the sleep space (spoiler: it’s not about knowing everything, it’s about noticing and responding with confidence)
• How to use Deb’s Rainbow Method—a gentle, step-by-step framework to help you make intuitive decisions about sleep while staying true to your connection-first approach
• Why gentle sleep support is real, evidence-based, and honors both your needs and your child’s
• How to build trust in yourself as a parent, even on the messiest, most overtired days

And if you want to dive deeper, join the waitlist for the Rooted Rest Course—an 8-week, connection-first approach to sleep for babies and toddlers aged 0–3. Weekly lessons, real talk, and gentle strategies that honor your attachment parenting journey—without rigid rules or forced independence. There’s also an optional live Q&A with other families experiencing the same journey and, of course, Doula Deb!

✨ Join the waitlist: douladeb.com/rootedrest

💛 Let’s get you some rest—without sacrificing connection.

Resource Links:

🔗 Read the blog posts mentioned in this episode:

• Trust Your Gut, Not Just the Books: Tapping Into Parental Intuition Around Sleep
• Making Intuitive Decisions During the Perinatal Period

🌈 Grab the FREE Rainbow Method Guide, it’s the perfect gentle approach to making intuitive decisions about sleep that aligns with your parenting values: FREEBIE Library HERE!

💤 Learn more about the Rooted Rest Course: douladeb.com/rooted-rest

Chapters

• 0:40 Introduction & Welcome
• 2:10 Why Sleep Feels So Hard
• 3:20 Tuning into Your Intuition
• 5:00 Building Confidence in Your Gut
• 6:30 The Rainbow Method Overview
• 9:48 Final Takeaways and Resources

Transcript

Deb (00:40)
Hey friends, and welcome back to Doula Talk. I'm Deb, your go-to sleep doula and your biggest fan when it comes to trusting your even in the messy, overtired, did I brush my teeth today? Days of parenting.

Today's episode is for every parent out there rocking a baby at midnight, negotiating with a toddler who suddenly needs another sip of water at bedtime, and you're wondering, is it supposed to be this hard? If you've ever felt torn between connection-first parenting that you believe in and the mountain of sleep advice that doesn't sit right with you, you are so not alone.

This one's especially for the families parenting kids zero to three who want more rest Without doing traditional sleep coaching.

We're talking about how to tune back into your own intuition, why that matters more than any method, and what sleep support can look like when attachment comes first. Plus, I'm gonna be sharing the rainbow method, a gentle step-by-step approach to supporting sleep without sleep coaching,

and a free guide that you can download to start applying it as early as tonight. And hey, if you're feeling like your intuition has been a bit over-showered by all that noise, you're definitely not alone. Last August, I wrote a whole blog on making intuitive decisions during the perinatal period.

you know, pregnancy, birth and labor. If you haven't read that, it's a great primer for building that trust muscle. can apply it now that you're navigating sleep. You can go check that out on my blog. I will go ahead and link it in the show notes.

Okay, let's start here. If you're parenting from a place of connection, maybe you're co-sleeping, baby wearing, or following your child's cues,

You've probably felt like the odd one out in the sleep advice world, but much of the mainstream sleep content out there says things like, just put them down drowsy, but awake, or they need to learn to self soothe and don't rock them. You're creating really bad habits. Let me just lovingly say not always, right? You're not doing it wrong. You're responding to your child. You're offering safety. And guess what? That actually supports long-term sleep regulation. But when you're sleep deprived and Googling it to

am, it's really hard to hear that inner voice, the one that knows your baby better than any book ever could. So let me remind you, your intuition is still in there. It's not broken. It's just hard to hear when you're exhausted, overwhelmed, and drowning in advice that doesn't feel right.

Parental intuition around sleep isn't about always knowing exactly what to do. It's about having the space and support to notice, just notice what's going on and feel confident responding in a way that fits your child and your values. It can look like this. Realizing your baby sleeps better in your arms and deciding that's okay for now. as long as it's working for you.

You might look like choosing to keep co-sleeping because everyone's getting a lot more rest if you weren't. It might look like adjusting nap times because your toddler's rhythm is shifting again. And maybe saying no to cry it out even when someone tells you this is the only way you're ever going to get rest. It really just means

being open to support and structure without abandoning your connection first approach.

This is pulled straight from the RootedRest sleep course that I'm building right now. We don't start with a schedule or a method, we start with you, your family, your values, your rhythms, and what deep down knowing that you and your child are on the same team. And if you want to dig even deeper into trusting your gut, especially if it's feeling a little bit rusty after pregnancy or birth, I really encourage the blog that I wrote back in August of 2024, Making Intuitive Decisions.

during the perinatal period. I again will just go ahead and link that in the show notes. It's all about building the blocks of confidence that carry right through to your baby's sleep journey.

All right, so let's talk about the middle path.

We're not giving up on sleep, we're also not going to a rigid plan. Gentle sleep support is not the absence of a plan. is not chaos and it's not just, well, I'll sleep eventually. We're just going to wait this out This is the support that helps you understand your child's cues and patterns. helps you make small compassionate shifts when the things aren't working. Get more sleep without using any methods that feel out of alignment with your values or your child's temperament.

going

to honor your needs for sleep while still being emotionally available to your child. because like I just said, you matter to your sleep, your mental health, your ability to show up as a present and kind parent. that's part of this bigger sleep equation. And when we root our approach into intuition and sprinkle in the rainbow method, that's where the magic happens.

What if you don't feel intuitive? What if you are completely lost and have no idea what your gut is telling you? Let's just normalize something, okay? You can believe in attachment still feel totally unsure about sleep or what to do. You might be thinking, I have no idea what my baby's tired cues are. ⁓ Every night feels different. I definitely cannot see a pattern here. Or I feel incredibly guilty wanting my baby to sleep longer.

because they're little and you might not think that they should be sleeping longer. It is totally okay to feel like that.

If any of these sound familiar, here's what I want you to know. Intuition isn't something you either have or don't have. It's something that we build and we build that by slowing down, reflecting on what's working and what's not, making those small changes from a place of curiosity, not control, getting the right support without the pressure to change your whole parenting style.

So this is what we focus on in module one of the Rooted Rest Sleep Course. We reflect on where your sleep beliefs have come from. We name what's not working and we rebuild your sleep strategy around your values, your baby and your lived reality.

Deb (07:11)
Okay, now let's talk about the tool. love sharing with families who want to make sleep decisions that feel good, even in the middle of the 3am wake ups and that this is the rainbow method. This isn't a rigid sleep plan or a magic wand. It's just a step by step way to make decisions when you are feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and want to honor

values. It's about balancing trust and strategy because sleep support doesn't have to mean ignoring your gut.

So here's how it works. First letter is R. Reflect, pause and notice what's actually happening. How is your little one sleeping? How are you feeling? This is not about judgment. It's just observation. A is adjust. Think about what small gentle tweaks might help like shifting bedtime a little earlier

or adding a little bit of extra cuddle time during the wind down routine.

I stands for intuition. We want to really lean into the gut of yours. What is your intuition telling you? If something feels off, honor that. If something feels right, even if it's not what everybody else is doing, you need to trust that too. N stands for nurture. Keep that emotional connection at the center of all these decisions. Sleep is about feeling safe and secure for both you and your baby. And B stands for benefit.

get crystal clear on what's in it for you and your baby more rest less stress or maybe a calmer bedtime is obligation you have to ask yourself am I doing this because it aligns with our values or because someone else said that I should Or I don't know is Instagram telling you how long your baby should be sleeping

We have to figure out where this is coming from. And lastly, W stands for what now? You've reflected, adjusted, you've considered all the benefits, and now what feels like the best next step? And hey, remember you can always pivot if things change. This method isn't about perfection,

about helping you feel calm, confident, and grounded you can make sleep decisions that align with your values, not someone else's rules. If you'd like to get a head start, and put together a free Rainbow Method guide that walks you through each of these steps so that you can bring gentle sleep support into your home tonight. That link is in the show notes.

because sleep support it can honor both your baby's needs and yours without giving up on connection or trusting your gut.

Deb (09:48)
If you are still listening, congratulations. We're almost going to wrap up here. You're probably someone who wants more rest, but doesn't want to lose that connection that you've already worked so hard to build. So let me give this takeaway. You do not have to choose between sleep and connection. You don't have to abandon your child's needs or your own to get rest. You can have boundaries and flexibility at the same time. We can have structure and softness, science, and also

instinct. There is a path to better sleep that doesn't start with separation, but it starts with trust and the tools like the rainbow method can help you along the way. So we're going to wrap up here. If this episode lit something up in you,

I'd love for you to grab my free rainbow method guide. is linked in the show notes.

is a perfect starting point to bring gentle sleep support into your home tonight without compromising your attachment parenting values. dive deeper, I want you to go check out the Rooted Rest Sleep Course. It is comprehensive. It's about an eight week program that I am developing right now. It should be ready by fall. This is based in connection first approach to sleep with kids zero to three.

This is specifically designed for families who value intuition, flexibility, and real life support over rigid rules and forced independence. We are going to have weekly lessons, we're going have real talk, and gentle strategies that support your whole family.

plus you can join our optional live Q &A calls and that gives you the opportunity to bring your real life struggles to someone who truly gets it.

With this option, we meet once a week with a cohort of other families going through it at the exact same time. You can bring your real life questions and get clarity if there are things in the course that you just need more information on and I can give you targeted advice.

you will also be able to connect with other families who are going through it at the exact same time. So if you want to go check that out and get on the wait list, head over to douladeb.com/rooted-rest ⁓ and just sign up for the wait list and I will keep you updated on when this is going to drop.

So that's all I have for you today. If you love this episode, it would be so wonderful if you could leave a review, send it to a friend, or just come hang out with me on Instagram. I am @doula.deb because no parent should ever feel like they have to figure this out on their own.

Until next time, I want you to remember to trust your gut, rest when you can, and remember, you are doing a much better job than you ever could imagine.