43 - Navigating the Holidays as a New Family: Finding Joy, Setting Boundaries & Ditching the Guilt

In this validating and heart-centered episode of Doula Talk: Postpartum, Babies, and the Battle for Sleep, postpartum and sleep doula Deb dives into one of the most emotionally loaded topics for new families: how to survive the holidays without sacrificing your sanity, sleep, or boundaries.

If this is your baby's first holiday and you're feeling pulled in a dozen directions, this episode is your permission slip to slow down and do things differently. Deb breaks down why the holidays often feel so overwhelming after having a baby (hint: you’re not imagining it) and offers deeply supportive, real-life tools to help you navigate the holidays on your terms.

With her signature blend of empathy and real talk, Deb shares scripts for boundary-setting, doula-approved travel tips, and why overstimulation matters so much in the early weeks and months. If you’ve ever felt like you’re trying to keep your baby asleep while fielding awkward questions at a family dinner, this one’s for you.

Freebie: Sleep Survival Kit for Holiday Travel - Your free, downloadable checklist with travel tips, packing suggestions, sleep setup hacks, and gentle reminders for new families braving the holidays. Grab it at www.douladeb.com/freebies

Need more support?

• First Year Support Program – Ongoing postpartum and infant sleep consulting for families navigating feeding, sleep, recovery, and routine building.
• Sleep Consults – Personalized support for infant sleep foundations, gentle sleep shaping, and nap struggles.
• Prenatal Planning Sessions – Build your postpartum plan with Deb’s compassionate guidance before baby arrives.

Book a consult or explore services at www.douladeb.com

🎙️ If this episode felt like a warm hug or a deep breath, please share it with a fellow new parent. Together, we can build a season rooted in rest, not chaos.

Transcript

Deb (00:50)
Hey there, welcome back to Doula Talk.

I'm your host, Doula Deb, and I have a deep passion for making sure families feel supported in every season. And yes, that includes the chaos of the holidays. If you're tuning in with a cold cup of coffee in your a baby monitor in the other, first of all, solidarity. Second, today's episode

is one that many of you really need right now, navigating the holidays as a new family. Because while the rest of the world seems to be fa la lying and decking the halls, you might be over there trying to get your baby to nap longer than 22 minutes and wondering how the heck you're going to survive Thanksgiving with your in-laws or skip that one family gathering without setting off emotional fireworks.

Now if that triggered you, I want us all to take a big deep breath, exhale the guilt, and talk more about how to actually enjoy the holidays on your terms.

Here's the truth that no one puts on the holiday cards. The first year of parenting is already a lot. Add travel, overstimulation, and family expectations. That's a recipe for overwhelm, unless you're super intentional. This is something I remind my doula clients of all the time. The holiday season is not a performance review. You're not being evaluated on how festive, giving, cheerful, or accommodating you are. You're recovering from birth.

You're keeping that tiny human alive and you're learning a whole new identity. Let's just name it. New parents are often walking around in an invisible fog of exhaustion, hormones, healing, and the information overload. And suddenly everyone wants to know, you coming to Christmas dinner? Can we pass the baby around? Why can't you just stay longer? It can feel like you're

Let's get specific for a moment. Here are some things that really do shift after you have a baby. your first holiday season as a parent,

you are not imagining it. Number one, your energy is not the same. You used to be able to bounce between four events in one weekend. Now one outing can derail your baby's nap schedule for two days. So what do you do?

This year, you need to pick one or two gatherings that feel really nourishing instead of draining and maybe opt out of anything that requires you to be dressed in, you know, buttoned pants for more than three hours. And you know which ones these are. It's a hard truth, but it is worth looking at.

Number two, your baby's needs come first, even if that's inconvenient for others. I've worked with countless families who feel guilty for leaving early, skipping dinner, asking to adjust the schedule, and not letting everyone hold the baby. But guess what? Your baby's nervous system isn't built for this chaos. And overstimulation is a real thing, even for you. You're allowed to be the gatekeeper. Not everyone

gets a turn and not every event needs your attendance. Not every person gets to see you make the rounds. You are a parent now. You're building new patterns and those need support, not sabotage.

And number three, you might want things different now. Maybe you don't want to be around 20 relatives talking over each other. Maybe you want a quieter Christmas morning in your pajamas with your brand new little family. Maybe you want to start your own traditions. That is not selfish. It's sacred and so important for building your own family. ⁓

Now, that's all easier said than done. So let's talk about how to set boundaries with as little drama as possible. All right.

I like to say clear is kind and vague can be exhausting. So here are some practical script ready ways to hold your ground without spiraling into guilt. First, you're going to set the stage. say. We're keeping things really simple this year to focus on our baby's routine and rest, and we hope that you understand.

stay home this time if that's what our family needs this year.

love to connect, just not in such a big group setting. Maybe we can plan a quieter visit next month.

You don't owe anyone your medical reasoning, whether it's postpartum healing or your baby is struggling right now. You don't owe them a sleep tracking spreadsheet of why you're so tired or the emotional labor to manage their disappointment in the changes. But you do get to choose what's right for your family and your baby.

And if you need permission to send that text instead of showing up at the event, consider this your permission slip.

here are a few doula-approved survival tips for protecting your baby's rhythm. Number one, stick to wake windows whenever you can.

Yes, even if that means arriving late or leaving early, your baby's sleep is not a luxury. It's foundational for their mood, feeding, and growth. Two, create a portable sleep environment. Bring the sound machine, bring a blanket that smells like home, pack that sleep sack, the lovey, if age recreate a bedtime and nap time routine on the go.

Make sure that you have a quiet space for naps or breaks or feedings if your baby gets distracted. And if you're at someone's house, don't be afraid to ask for a dark room or bring a slumber pod or a blackout cover. Number three.

Prep for feeding logistics. If you're nursing or bottle feeding, plan for comfort. Nursing in public? Practice your setup so that you feel 100 % comfortable.

If you're not necessarily comfortable nursing in public yet, ask for a quiet, dark space to do that or practice before you get there. If you're bottle feeding, make sure to pack extra. And if your baby

already started solids, don't feel pressure to let them try Aunt Linda's stuffing. you don't need to make this a baby's first everything moment if you're not ready.

And four, tag team with your partner. Take turns stepping out with the baby, build little recovery breaks, especially if you're introverted and touched out. This isn't about being on all day, it's about surviving and enjoying a moment or two of connection.

So let's talk about the best thing about the holidays,

which is creating new traditions that actually serve you. One of my favorite things to talk about with new parents is how to reclaim the holidays in a way that feels nourishing. Traditions don't have to be big or elaborate. They can be as simple as making cinnamon rolls together while the baby slow morning with matching jammies and zero plans, writing a letter to your baby each holiday season, or making a tradition of a family walk at sunset.

sunset.

These are the moments your baby probably won't remember in the first year, but you will. navigating grief, missing a loved one, or feeling isolated this year, I see you. You are not alone. Holidays can stir up so much. Let yourself feel it and don't force the joy. Make sure to reach out, journal, call a friend, or just cry in the shower

with Mariah Carey playing in the background totally been there too.

So here's your gentle reminder from your doula You are allowed to do it differently. You don't have to make everyone happy. You don't have to attend every gathering and you don't have to post a perfect holiday photo. You just have to keep showing up with love and honesty for your baby, for your partner and for yourself. This season can be quiet, it can be slow, it can be exactly what you need it to be.

If you need support in setting boundaries, protecting your baby's sleep, or just talking through your holiday plan, I'd love to work with you.

Check out my first year support program or book a consult that are linked in the show notes.

And don't forget to go check out my freebie, which is the sleep survival kit for holiday travel for all you brave souls that are traveling this holiday season. You can find that at my website,

Douladeb.com.

if this episode felt like a hug, will you do me a favor? Please send it to a new parent in your life. Let's build a season that's rooted in rest and not chaos. I'm sending you so much love and just enough sass to say no whenever you need to. Until next time, take care of yourself.