58 - The RAINBOW Method: How to Make Intuitive Decisions in Postpartum (When Everything Feels Uncertain)

Postpartum is full of decisions that can feel impossibly heavy. Breastfeeding or formula? Tongue tie release or wait? Go back to work or stay home longer? Sleep support now or later?

In this episode, Deb talks about why decision-making in early parenthood can feel so overwhelming and how to reconnect with your intuition without ignoring research, support, or real-life challenges. Using her RAINBOW method, she walks parents through a grounded framework for making thoughtful, informed decisions during pregnancy, postpartum, and the newborn stage.

This episode is for parents who feel stuck between opinions, pressure, guilt, and fear of “getting it wrong.”

You are allowed to slow down, ask questions, and make decisions that align with your family.

✨ In this episode: The RAINBOW Method - Free downloadable handout here!

• R - Reflect (Research & Risks)
• A - Adjust (Alternatives)
• I - Intuition
• N - Nothing
• B - Benefits
• O - Obligation
• W - What Now?

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Transcript

Deb (00:50)
Let me guess, you've been told you should just stick with breastfeeding. It's best for the baby. Or maybe it's time to switch to formula.

your baby probably just has a tongue tie and you should get it released. You need to fix the sleep before it gets worse or they're so dependent on you. You don't want to get in a trap like that. You're going back to work already and you're just on the other side of this thinking, I don't even know what the right decision is anymore. if that's you, this episode is for you. Hi, I'm Deb. If you're new here, welcome.

I'm a birth postpartum and sleep doula, and I spend a lot of time supporting families in this exact season where everything feels important, everything feels urgent, and somehow there's no clear answer. Today, we're talking about how to make decisions in postpartum when you feel pulled in a hundred different directions and how to actually tune back into your own intuition in a way that feels grounded, not overwhelming.

So why is this so hard in postpartum particularly? Well, here's the part that doesn't get talked about enough. Postpartum decision-making is so different because you're not just thinking clearly and calmly through your options. You're recovering, you're not sleeping, you're feeding a baby around the clock, adjusting to a completely new identity and trying to make decisions while your nervous system is already maxed out. And on top of that,

You're getting input from everywhere. You're hearing from doctors, providers, lactation consultants, social media, friends, family, doulas, podcasts. So some of this is really helpful. Some of this is conflicting. And a lot of it makes you feel like there is a right and a very wrong choice. And you will definitely mess it up if you don't.

figure it out. So what happens? Well, most parents just start outsourcing those decisions to those experts, right? The provider that's telling you this, the lactation consultant that's telling you social media, your friend had a baby with a tongue tie. and it really helped them. So maybe it'll help you.

And outsourcing your decisions, it's not because you want to, but because it feels safer than making a decision and getting it wrong. So I've shared this before, but this is really where it all started for me. When my son was in the NICU, I remember sitting there feeling exhausted, number one, and then completely overwhelmed when it came to proceeding with his care.

The nurses were there doing a great job. I felt clueless. I had no idea how to care for him. He's just sitting there helpless and the doctors would come in, tell me what they're gonna do and then leave. There wasn't really a conversation. There wasn't space to process this. And I kind of stood there like a deer in the headlights thinking, of course, whatever you think, like you're the doctor. I know nothing. Please tell me what to do.

⁓ I said yes to everything, not because it felt right, but because I was frozen and I didn't know that I had another option. Looking back, there were some of those decisions that I would have made differently if I had fully understood what was actually happening and I would have felt a lot better about it if I was actually part of that process of decision making.

that experience bled into my postpartum of feeling so unsure and looking to experts and asking other people what I should do. Even as a doula, I didn't even trust myself when I was trusted in other people's homes to

help them care for their babies. took me a long time to come into my motherhood and feel like I could take control of what was best for my baby a parent. experts. I still get other opinions, but to learn.

how to be part of the decisions that shapes my experience as a parent. one of those things that I do is use this framework. It is just a simple way to come back to yourself, feel part of the process and make a decision that you can feel good about. not tell you what to do. It doesn't definitively say this is the right way.

because I hate to break it to you, there is no right or wrong way when it comes to parenting.

this is just a way for things to slow down and actually hear yourself again and feel solid in the decision that you're making moving forward. it is an acronym for rainbow. So it's the rainbow method. How beautiful is that? And I want you to think of this less like a checklist and more like something you can gently move through when you're feeling stuck. By the end you should feel like you know the answer to.

your question. a lot of people are familiar with the acronym and that stands for benefits, risks,

alternatives and nothing. What if you do nothing? have used that for many years and I love that method but one problem with it is it doesn't go as deep as I'd like and it also starts with benefits assuming that when a provider comes to you and says this is the option that you should do that it's the best option because look at the benefits and sometimes our brain goes straight to that first thing.

as the best thing. So in this method, I like the R of rainbow to be reflect. And you're going to review the risks and then do your research. So this is how we start with grounding. Because when everything feels emotional, we need something steady to hold on to. We need the facts, we need to know what's happening with our baby. And we also need to understand what

the research says and the risks of doing the thing that they want you to do. So these are the things I want you to ask yourself. What are the actual risks of this procedure or the thing that you want to do? What does the research actually say? Talk to your provider about the procedure, whatever the thing that you're trying to decide about. And is there research that definitively says this is the good option?

And how does this apply to my situation and my my baby showing symptoms of the problem needing to be addressed? Is my baby showing signs that they need this procedure or this intervention? Does it apply directly to the situation? We don't want to go off of what someone said on Instagram.

not what your neighbor experienced, not what your friend told you you need to do or your mother-in-law is encouraging you to do. We need to really look at the facts and what actually applies to you. This is really important for things like feeding decisions, procedures like a tongue tie release, and even like sleep approaches when you're considering coaching options. We are not looking for

Perfect answers here. We're just gathering the information to feel oriented and understand the situation fully. Then we move on to adjust and we're going to look for alternatives or adjust what is going on now. So that means we're going to zoom out a little bit because so often we are presented with these things as either or. Correct or not correct. Right or wrong.

but usually it is not that easy and there are lot more options than just this one thing. So what I want you to ask is what else could I try? Is there a middle ground? What are some alternative things that we could do instead of the thing that was suggested? Are there other options available to us? Sometimes there's options and our providers aren't telling us.

about all the different options that there are because they think this one is the best. And you can ask them, why do you think this is the best thing? And could we try the alternatives before going to this other option? So you want to ask, what else could I try? Is there that middle ground? Maybe that means exploring combo feeding instead of breastfeeding or formula feeding. There could be a middle ground there for you to explore. What about

small sleep shifts instead of a full sleep coaching program. What about adjusting your timeline instead of making a permanent decision right now? Sometimes the most supportive choice is a flexible one. Let's try this, see how we feel, and reassess in a few days or a week.

Next is I, intuition. Okay, this is the one that people nowadays struggle the most with. We love to go with logic. We love to go with the research and say, well, this is the most logical thing to do. And we rely a lot on that in this period because we're so tired. And when you're tired, it is so easy to think, I cannot trust myself right now, but your intuition does not disappear when you're tired.

It just gets quieter when everything else is so loud. So instead of asking, what's the right answer? I want you to try to ask, feel into your body, take big deep breath, putting a hand on your chest. What feels steady in my body? What feels tense or rushed? If you took everyone else out of this equation, what would you lean toward? And if you don't know yet,

guess what? That's okay too. It just means you might need a little bit more space to calm your nervous system down, to really tune into what feels right in this moment. It may be asking the question while you have your hand on your heart and asking, does a procedure right now feel like the right thing? And you will get an immediate body reaction if you let yourself. And again, if you don't get anything right away,

That is totally fine. You can come back to this at any time. But usually we are going to have that gut response, that intuition that this feels right or I'm not ready. The next one is nothing. This one is also uncomfortable, but it's also really important to explore what happens if we do nothing right now, if we wait. Because postpartum culture,

pushes urgency. Everything feels so much bigger because we're so tired and

because it feels so important. We need to fix it right now. We have to figure it out right now. Do not wait. You could ruin your baby's chance at breastfeeding ever if you wait. But not every situation is urgent. Some things are just uncomfortable. Now it's important to note that in postpartum, there are some things that are urgent like feeding your baby.

It's important that if your breastfeeding isn't going great baby is losing weight and you notice that they're not getting enough milk for whatever the reason, it's important that that baby gets food, right?

That situation is urgent. Doing nothing can have bad consequences. Now, outside of medical reasons, a lot of times we can wait and make sure, you know, in that breastfeeding situation, maybe things aren't going great, but we're going to make sure that baby's fed.

and that we protect your milk supply if breastfeeding is important to you. And we can wait a little bit and work on breastfeeding, go to the lactation consultant and see if things improve in a few days.

So the important thing to ask is what happens if I do nothing for a few days? And we observe. Do things stay the same? Do they get worse? Or does time actually improve things and maybe a little sleep helps? Sometimes clarity comes when you give things a little bit of room to breathe.

Now the beauty of this process is that you can come back to this at any point in time. So if doing nothing feels right in this moment, guess what? You can do this again in an hour or in a few days or in a week. And with different information, with different situation, you'll go through all of these steps and you might come up with a different answer. And that's great. That's the beauty of this process.

Now B is benefits. Now we look on the other side. what are the actual benefits of moving forward with this? Whether it's a procedure or the benefits of making a change. What problem is it solving? And is that problem something that truly needs solving right now? Is it actually urgent? Most of the time we can answer no. And if not,

making decisions based on what could happen is not what's actually happening. So if the benefits outweigh the cons, that can really give you good information about how you wanna move forward. And, obligation, This one is really intense in postpartum

because everyone comes out of the woodwork when you have a baby and has an opinion on everything. There is going to be pressure to breastfeed pressure to do everything naturally pressure to fix sleep before it's ruined for the rest of their life pressure to even enjoy every single moment with your baby. I can't tell you how much pressure I felt to enjoy every moment when

My postpartum was not enjoyable. Of course I loved my baby, but I also had a lot of pain and a lot of struggles with anxiety, struggles with depression, struggles with caring for myself and my baby at the same time. So when someone said, ⁓ the babies are so precious. You have to enjoy every moment. They're only little once I almost would spin into a rage.

because of course I love my baby. Of course I enjoy spending time with them and see them grow. But also I have a right to feel like this is not exactly what I signed up for. This is so hard. So what I want you to gently ask yourself is, am I truly choosing to move forward with this? Or do I feel like I should be choosing this?

And when we have that should word come in, I want you to pause and think, who is telling me that I should be choosing this? And it might be a general someone like social media, our society, the world. It could be your mother-in-law. It could be your own mom. It could be your sister. It could be your friend. It could be your partner right? We want to make sure that when you're making a decision,

It's not out of obligation, but rather out of what you really choosing the best thing for you and your baby. There's a huge difference. And recognizing the difference can change everything when you want to put your baby first, rather than feeling like someone is looking at you and deciding that you're a good parent.

because I hate to break it to you. When you're making these really tough decisions, you're not making them lightly. And you are thinking through all of this really carefully. And guess what? That makes you a really great parent. And if someone else can't understand that, that's a them problem, not a you problem, because you are thinking through these really clearly. And lastly, we're going to end with W, what now?

we bring it all together,

It's not gonna look perfect, but you're gonna have enough information at this point to have enough clarity to make the next best step. And what I want you to hear is this part. You do not have to get it right forever. You are gonna make mistakes and we're gonna get over that right now. We're gonna make choices that looking back you're like, what was I thinking? Or, you know.

looking back, seeing the outcome, I wish I would have made a different choice. And the best part about this process is that when you look at that decision process that you made, you can clearly say is like, I took all the information that I currently had at that time and made the best choice that I could in that moment. Now, future you might say, if I had this other information,

at the time back then, maybe I would have made a different choice, but you didn't have that information, so you made the best choice that you could in that moment. And that's when you can say responsive parenting is not a failure. It's actually really responsible if you make a decision at one point and later on you say, that doesn't feel so good in this moment now going forward, I'm going to make a different choice. And apologies are.

amazing for repairing relationships. Just saying. Now that I'm entering into pre-teen and teen parenting, Believe me that being humble and parenting a teen is hard but also really rewarding because you can show your humanity and that we are flawed and that they can be too. And that is really helpful.

So that's the rainbow method. And I wanna give you a real life example from start to finish, okay? So let's say...

So let's take something that a lot of parents face. Feeding is hard. Whether you're bottle feeding or choosing to nurse, like it is really hard to feed a baby. It's actually quite astonishing that anybody survives. It takes a good six to eight weeks to feel like you've got this down. And it doesn't matter the method that you choose because it's all hard. They eat often and it's hard. So let's just say feeding is hard.

Baby is fussy. Nursing is really painful. And your friend, you're telling them the story and they say, well, my baby had a tongue tie. They definitely have one. You should totally go to the doctor. So you go straight to the tongue tie release provider and they say, yeah, your baby has a tongue tie. This is going to fix everything. We should do it right now. And you're stuck there. You're like, whoa.

Like that was a lot and you're already postpartum, you're already hormonal, you are worried about your baby right? So it's not something that you wanna just be like, yep, let's do it. And I feel really good about this. We wanna slow it down, right? So let's use the rainbow method to work through this decision-making. So the first one, reflect, research.

and know the risks, right? So what are the risks and success rates of this procedure? Do your research. If you can't get all of the information you can in that appointment with your provider, ask them for more resources and go home and read up on it. ⁓ Learn what the risks of doing the procedure are. What are the success rates?

So you want to get all the information you can before you make that choice. Understand what the procedure looks like. Understand what the recovery looks like. Understand complications. Understand, you know, what to expect right after the procedure is done. If you can't get all that information in that one appointment, it is totally okay to ask for the information, read up on it.

And then once you have that information, then make it a choice going forward. So next, alternatives. what are the alternatives to this procedure? Is there anything we can do to avoid the procedure? are there anything else that we could do to help with the baby feeding that does not involve this procedure? And there's bodywork, there's lactation consultants, there's so many options.

to work through

if you want to explore those alternatives and ask your provider, do you feel like they would be successful or not? And then see what they say. There are some tongue ties that are so tight that no amount of physical therapy or oral myofunctional therapy, it's not going to loosen that tissue up. There are other ones that are a mild case and there may be some movement that you can do with bodywork and therapy.

and lactation support that can get the results that you're looking for without the procedure. So it's really good to go over those alternatives with your provider. Next, what is my gut telling me right now? When I think about doing this procedure for my baby, does my gut say, yes, we need to get this done and I don't want to wait? Or does it say, my gosh, this is really scary?

I need a minute to think about this. My gut is saying it's a no. And then what if we do nothing? What happens if I wait a week? And these are really great. Another great question for your provider. What happens if I do nothing? And we can talk about the risks of not doing this procedure. What if it gets worse? What if it gets better? and then also a care plan if you choose not to do it. So if you wait a week,

what do we need to do to make sure that my milk is still coming in or making sure that we can get back to breast eventually and make sure baby is fed, you know, coming up with a feeding plan with a lactation consultant would be great in that situation. And then what are the benefits? You know, if we were to go through this procedure right now, what would that look like and the benefits of going through with it?

We don't have to come back, you know? Your baby typically is gonna latch right away. And typically you're gonna see the symptoms be relieved pretty quickly if it's a really severe tongue tie. And it's done. You can just move forward and get the therapies, do the bodywork and move forward. So.

And then we come to, I feeling pressured to do this right now? And it might be from the provider. It might be from a partner. But is there any outside pressure pressuring you to move quickly through this or do this thing that you really don't feel is right? And then what feels like the best next step after going through?

all of those questions and thinking through each one of them, you get to decide, yes, this feels like the best next step, or this doesn't feel right, and guess what? We can readdress it in the future if different information comes forward. So if in a week that things aren't better or they get worse, guess what? You can go back and make another appointment and get it done then, or...

things will improve and you won't need to do it at all.

So that is a real life example when it comes to a procedure. Now, we go through so many decisions in postpartum. So don't be afraid to pull this out and go through each one to make some of these postpartum decisions

So if you are in this season, I want you to know this, you are not doing this wrong. You are navigating a lot in this season. And the fact that you're even asking these questions, that matters. You do not need to rush. You do not need to have all the answers. You just need a way to slow down

and come back to yourself so you can make sure that you're part of that decision making process and move forward.

And something I always say to my doula clients is that if you don't know your options, if you don't know the full understanding about what is out there and go through all of those risks and success rates and alternatives and listening to your body and the benefits and making sure that you're not feeling pressured, you don't have options, right?

If this is something that you're in the middle of right now, whether it is feeding struggles, sleep struggles, going back to work, any of that, this is exactly the kind of support that I offer for families in the first year. We slow things down, we look at what's actually going on and help you make decisions that feel aligned with you and your family. I don't make the decisions for you.

I just help lay it out in a way so that you can feel really good about moving forward with the plan that works for you. I will go ahead and link my consult options in the show notes along with the first year support program that has more ongoing guidance for more complicated cases. And if this episode helped you, I think it would be awesome if you could send it to a friend who is in the thick of it too, because no one should have to navigate this alone.

If you are listening to the podcast for the first time then go ahead and give me a follow, write me a comment, give me a rating. I want to know if this is touching people and if it is, I would love to hear from you.

If you have ideas for topics that you would love to hear on the podcast or you have a story or you're a provider that would love to come on the podcast, I would love to have you and share your stories. All you have to do is send an email to podcast at doula debb.com. And that's it for today. Thank you so much for joining me. while you're moving through this season,

Please be gentle with yourself. Know that this is hard for everybody and that's okay. If we can just slow down and tap back into your intuitive decision-making by using this method, things can feel a lot less intense. Good luck out there and be gentle with yourself.